Present
by Rachel-DI
Summary: Clark thinks about what happened in Crimson.


PRESENT

There he was, thinking, sitting down on his couch for what it seemed to be the millionth time that year.

"_I must have really liked you."_

Yeah, she was already gone. But her sentence was still hammering on his mind.

"_I must have really liked you."_

She had walked in his loft, seeing him for the first time after the happenings under the Red-K influence. She was nervous, embarrassed and tense, which was completely unlike Lois Lane.

Oh, sure, he was feeling just as awkward as she was. But he had a card up his sleeve.

He remembered everything. And she remembered nothing.

He had taken advantage of it to hide his own embarrassment, teasing her about what had happened. It was all good, after all, he had to admit: it felt incredibly relieving to be in charge of the situation, for a change.

It was all set... until he handed her the CD she had mixed for him.

He had watched her examine it with a soft smile on his face – he couldn't help it. At first she just stood there, staring at the drawing of a red heart with Clark's name on it surrounded by a white snake that was illustrating the cover. Then, she turned the CD to take a look at the songs she had picked for him while she was acting all love struck. He knew she had been under the influence of the red lipstick, and he knew she knew it as well, so he had concluded the song choices probably wouldn't surprise her that much. But they did.

She kept staring at the CD blankly, with an unreadable look upon her face.

And then it happened.

"_Whitesnake. Wow._" she had started. "_I must have really liked you._"

Clark's smile faded as soon as her fearful eyes met his.

Something quiet, powerful and completely disturbing passed between them. And he had no idea of what it was.

Clark shook his head.

Of all things he had done (and there had been a lot), _that_ was the one unsettling him the most.

The fact that the CD had meant something more to her than just an act under the influence of an aphrodisiac was troubling him inside. He couldn't help but wonder what was that _something more_, and what exactly was the thing with Lois and mixed CDs.

And most of all… if it _was _something huge as her face had shown… he wanted to know _why_ she had done it for him if it was just the aphrodisiac talking.

Clark sighed, looking around his loft.

While he was in Red-K, he had kidnapped Lana out of her own engagement party, and as much depressive as it sounded, that was no shock. He had almost tried to kill Lex and he had told horrible things to his mother, Lana and Chloe. That was terrible, but again, not entirely surprising, considering the anger he had been bottling up inside, lately.

He had spent the afternoon and part of the night with Lois, doing things he _definitely_ wouldn't do if he was thinking straight.

Although… earlier, before Lois had popped up on his loft, his mom had stopped by to talk to him. And… she was right.

"_Everytime you've been affected by Red-Kryptonite... it hasn't changed who you are. It has just stripped away your inhibitions."_

He had thought a lot about that.

Clark understood why he had done those things at the party.

He still had lingering feelings for Lana, and he felt nothing but betrayed when he had found out she was dating Lex – now, she was pregnant and she would marry him, Clark was feeling awful.

He was angry. Of course he was.

And he definitely didn't like the idea of his own mother getting closer to Lionel. It felt like she was betraying Clark's father, even though he was dead.

Chloe… well, she was pretty, she was a wonderful friend, she knew his secret and she had always seemed to have feelings for him. She was the easy escape. He had considered a relationship with her, but now that idea was out of his head. She was with Jimmy, who was a great guy who loved her – and who was Clark's friend. He would never hurt him or Chloe. Not purposely.

Clark sighed.

And Lois… it was all so confusing.

His mother's voice spoke inside his head again.

"_I think you have to start being more honest about how you feel."_

He had no idea. He really didn't.

She had never been exactly on his mind – not like that.

Clark liked to think their relationship was easy to describe. They were friends, good friends, who cared a lot about each other and loved to be on each other's throats. He also liked how he felt incredibly comfortable around her – after all, he didn't have any sort of unresolved issues regarding Lois.

Until now.

He sighed again.

He knew why he had kissed her back like that as soon as the Red-K rushed through his system, after _she_ had kissed him and infected him with the lipstick. He remembered. He had kissed her back simply because he wanted to. Ever since their kiss on that dark alley, weeks ago, he had been wanting to.

_Not on every moment._, Clark quickly told himself. _Just…_

Every once in a while, when he was around her, he wondered what it would be like if she just filled the space between them and he felt her lips on his one more time.

But he could tell: he had not pictured her smashing him against a phone booth wall.

Feeling a sudden warmth on his neck, he quickly removed the smile that had plastered itself on his face as soon as the memory took over his mind.

He remembered _everything_.

How he had dragged Lois to that newspaper office; how she had recognized his kiss; how he had told her Oliver was Green Arrow; how crazy he felt to prove her he was better than Oliver would ever be…

How he had stepped on the railing of the Daily Planet's building and had pulled her with him, jumping to Oliver's balcony… the amazed look on her face as they landed…

Clark still couldn't believe he had floated with her. However… there was a part of him that had always wanted to tell her. To show her what he could do. To see if she would keep calling him _Farmboy_ and _Smallville_ after she saw what he was capable of. Oh, he did like the nicknames, as much as he tried to seem annoyed. It was just… he felt frustrated by how uncomplicated she sometimes seemed to think he was.

And afterwards… they got into Oliver's apartment.

Clark gulped.

She was saying she couldn't wait to see what else he could do. But then they started kissing and, immediately, telling Lois about his abilities was the last thing on his mind.

Blushing, he stood up and walked towards his window.

Clark had spotted Lois's invitation to Lana's engagement party before they could actually… do it. But he was having an internal battle, now.

There was a part of him that was glad he had found the invitation. If memories of their liplock sessions were already filling his mind from minute to minute, he couldn't even imagine what would be happening if they had actually…

Clark took a deep breath, trying to slow his increasing heartbeat. And it sure wasn't helping that every time he closed his eyes he could see her tank top ripping between his fingers.

That was not healthy.

He was never meant to think about Lois like that. He could still feel her lips moving under his, and it was driving him crazy.

Of course, she always seemed to have that particular ability, but now… now it was a very different kind of crazy.

Also, he couldn't help but notice how good it had felt to have her in his arms. And he couldn't help but think about why he had spent so much time with her.

Usually, when he was in Red-K, he looked for women. But while he had been with Lois, it had felt… enough.

Besides, when he had kidnapped – and kissed – Lana, afterwards, right there on his loft, it had felt wrong. He knew it was wrong. That's why he kept doing it. But with Lois, even though she had recently broken up with Oliver, it had felt strangely… right. Satisfying.

He knew it was unfair to compare Lois to Lana. They were extremely different. Lana had been the object of his love since they were little kids. As much as he tried to deny it, he still thought of her as the perfect girlfriend – which he knew she wasn't. He loved the _image_ of her; he loved what she had been representing all those years. Maybe that was one of the reasons why they had never quite worked out.

And Lois… Lois was… a woman. She was stubborn, she was intelligent, she was feisty, wild, annoying, self-sufficient, arrogant, surprising, loud-mouthed, stunning and rude. But she could get under Clark's skin like no one else, and sometimes, he felt like she knew him better than anyone, even not knowing everything about him.

He wondered if he would have kissed her back even if Red-K hadn't infected him.

He thoughtfully lowered his head to the floor as the answer came.

Maybe he had always felt a little bit attracted to Lois – there was something about her he couldn't quite figure out.

Clark looked up and gulped as he remembered what she had said to him about Lana.

"_She is your past. **I'm your future**."_

Was she?

He felt his stomach twist at the prospect.

Could it be possible that… all this time… she was right in front of him and he hadn't seen her?

He frowned as he remembered his answer.

"_This is the present."_

Yes.

This was the present: lingering feelings for Lana, the perspective of keeping Chloe as a safe rebound and (he swallowed hard) an inexplicable longing for Lois.

Maybe he should just try to solve things. Maybe he should talk to Chloe and Jimmy, and make it clear that he felt nothing but friendship for Chloe.

About Lana… he still thought he couldn't let her marry Lex. She would ruin her life.

Maybe he should tell her his secret… and see how things would work out…

And Lois… well, he didn't quite know what to do about her. They had built a strong friendship together – stronger than he ever thought it could be. He didn't want to ruin it with awkward silences.

Maybe he should try to get things back to normal. Make those thoughts disappear.

It was too soon – he should just let all that lust… fade away. And if it didn't… well, _then_ he'd see what he would do about it.


End file.
